Shades of Time
by Ellesemera
Summary: Hermione and Harry are flung into the Marauders era owing to some inexplicable occurrence. Swirling into slow forming delirium, Harry and Hermione battle against themselves and others to return to their own time. Harry wishes to save his parents but the rules of time travel cannot be broken. Hermione has given her heart to the man who is dead in her time.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**

Hello, so this was a plot bunny rampaging around in my head and I chose to give it a go ahead. I hope you like it.

**_Disclaimer applies, of course._**

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**Chapter 1**

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He taps his foot repeatedly against the table and looks fixedly at the food in his plate. His fork is midway to his mouth when he chances a glance at the group of students sitting on the other side of the Gryffindor table. His expression changes from frown to frustration.

"I can't do this anymore!" He hisses under his breath. Hermione looks up from her steak pie in puzzlement.

"What?" She asks as she swallows a small bite.

"I... I can't see them everyday and not want them to be alive." Harry has a faraway look in his eyes like he's gazing at both the present and the past at the same time. A dark scowl covers Hermione's face. The duo is sitting at the far end of the table and no one can actually hear them. But she looks around to check.

"You know the rules Harry. You know we cannot change what happens." She adds sagely in a low voice.

Harry pushes his plate away with a little more force than is necessary.

"You don't get it, do you? They are there. _Right there_. They are my _parents_. They are_ alive,_ Hermione. It is one thing to know that I cannot bring them back to life and another to let them_ die_." He mutters grimly and clenches his jaw. His scar is hidden by a small fringe of his untidy black hair.

"You won't have to. Dumbledore will fix our problem soon and we'll be back in our time. It is the right thing to do, Harry." She presses his hand absentmindedly and looks around. She knows that she's being cruel but there is no help for it. She must do what she can to preserve the timeline. Her friend's instability is grating on her nerves but she resists snapping at him.

"Oh, he'll fix our problem alright. It's been one damn month Hermione!" He says rather forcefully. "And I don't think he wants us to go back anyway. He's Dumbledore, _remember_. He would have found out a solution by now if he had wanted. In either case, I don't want his help. I doubt we are getting out of here."

She meets his emerald gaze with her soft honey one. She sees the fire and anguish in his eyes that he seeks to conceal from her. But she knows. She always knows. She doesn't know how to convince him. He wants to save his parents, she understands that. But to completely wreck the timeline is a disastrous choice. They were lucky to win the second war against Voldemort. They may not claim victory again.

She looks at his parents and their friends. They are the centre of attraction at the Gryffindor table. Sirius throws his head back in a fitful laughter that somehow becomes his boyish features. James has his undivided attention on the food on his plate. Lupin reads while he eats. And Pettigrew... he has traitor written all over his face. Lily sits apart from the boys with Mary. She doesn't like them yet. She doesn't like how pompous and arrogant James is. _But she'll fall in love with him soon._ Hermione knows this. She hates it. She hates being here. She hates being among all these people. She just wants to go home and not live this nightmare.

Everything is grey here. Not in the sense of colours. But people. She cannot make them out. They are different from what she envisioned them. She sighs and her gaze lands on the Slytherin table. That is when she sees him. He is deeply engrossed in a thick book while he eats his soup. His oily hair falls in his eyes a number of times. His sallow face is thin and he looks worn out.

"Don't." Harry's reprimand interrupts her routine staring session. She looks at him with questioning eyes.

"Don't what?" She asks, feigning disinterest and lays down her spoon. She is done for the day.

"Just don't stare at him, OK." He mumbles and refuses to meet her eyes as he folds his napkin and lays it aside.

"I'm not _staring_, Harry. I was just... looking around. There isn't much _sane_ conversation to be had at this table anyway." She gets up suddenly and makes to leave the Hall. She nods at James and Lily as she passes them. Sirius whistles and Lupin shakes his head. She's finally out of the stifling Hall. Another set of footsteps follows her quick ones. She knows it is Harry again and he would continue the argument she walked away from. He has acquired the wearisome habit of nagging her about unfinished conversations these days. There isn't much to do around the castle anyway.

"What about Ron, Hermione?" He falls into a step beside her. They are alone in the corridor.

"What _about_ him? We broke up ages ago, right after the war. And anyway, you are _wrong_ in thinking whatever it is that you are thinking." she snaps at him and quickens her pace. He catches up with her.

"Oh, really. You're always looking at him. Your eyes follow his every movement in class. You always look at him during dinners. Even in the library. What the hell is wrong with you, Hermione? It's Snape. _Snape_!" he grabs her arms accusingly. She sees that it is not about her. She sees that it is about his parents. He wants to change things. She wrenches her hands away from his grasp and turns away.

"It's none of your business, Harry. I do not fancy him." she hisses vehemently. "It wouldn't matter either way. We are going back soon." Her voice trembles a little. He isn't the only one who would lose by leaving. She knows the ache in his heart. She knows. She feels him relax beside her. She knows he feels guilty for lashing out at her.

"I... I'm sorry, Hermione. I just... I don't want you getting hurt over him. He doesn't feel anything for you or anyone else, remember. He loved only her." He rubs her palm. It tickles a bit. "We may not get out of here and I cannot see you suffer the heartbreak you are setting yourself up for."

She knows he's right. But she's too far gone. Too far. She cannot turn her back on what she feels. It is a lost cause and she knows it. She nods at him and looks away. The corridor is still deserted.

A slight noise behind them alerts them to the presence of a third party. They have their wands out in a flash. They are accosted by a group of four Slytherins: Avery, Mulciber, Moran and... Severus.

"Ah the new Gryffindor duo... Fancy seeing you two alone. Good for us, though._ You will pay for the incident with Bella._" Mulciber chuckles darkly. They have their wands out. It seems there will be a duel. Why people want to fght, she cannot understand. Bellatrix, of course. It had been an accident and no one was hurt. But it seems that people hold on to their grudges long after the perceived wrong has been erased. It doesn't seem like these instigators know either. She is resigned. She would have to defend.

He stands there, looking at the two of them with his dark eyes, and purses his lips. She sees that his expression is guarded. His friends, however, snicker and fall into a dueling stance. She doesn't want to hurt them but it doesn't seem like she has a choice. Neither does Harry.

_'Sectumsempra!'_ Severus whispers the curse quietly.

Hermione is surprised at his choice. She has done him no harm. It stabs at her heart. In her surprise, her blocking is delayed by one second. _A single second._ The excess pain in her right arm tells her that the aim hit its mark. Harry blocks the curses being sent his way and curses as she groans and sags to her knee. She brandishes her wand and manages to fire a trip jinx which hits Avery. She fires another at Mulciber who falls on his face. She blocks another curse flung towards Harry. Her hand is bleeding profusely. It hurts. But the pain is not from the wound alone. She sees Harry take down Moran. Now, only Severus is left. She doesn't raise her wand to attack him. But Harry is only too happy for the opportunity. Both of them eye each other warily. She has shifted to one side. She doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire. She doesn't...

Before either of the boys can attack, a booming voice erupts near them. It is their Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. She sighs and slumps against the wall. Her arm bleeds. She doesn't know the counter curse.

"What is the meaning of this? I expected better of you Mr. Edwards." he addresses Harry. Everyone knows he hates Slytherins. He makes it painfully clear. The boys stop with curses right on the tip of their tongues. Harry looks at her in concern. His eyes are ablaze with fury as he catches sight of her slashed arm. He throws Snape a nasty look and mumbles an apology to the Professor.

"Sorry, Professor. They ambushed us here, Sir." He points towards the Slytherins. Severus's eyes darken as he lifts up his chin in defiance. "Hermione needs help, Sir." He adds and moves to support her. The Professor nods at Harry and grabs the Slytherins by their collars and pushes them down the corridor towards his office. He doesn't punish Harry. He favours Gryfindors. He hates Slytherins. Snape manages to avoid his hold but follows him nevertheless. He gives Hermione a cold smile before leaving. Another small stab of pain attacks her heart. She grabs at Harry's sleeve forcefully.

"I'm alright. I'll be fine, Harry. I got two of them, anyway. Bet they'd be disgusted at having been beaten by a girl, don't you?" she tries to smile but it looks more like a grimace. Her arm does hurt rather badly. Harry walks silently beside her.

The elderly matron in the infirmary fixes her up quickly and she's as good as new. _No harm done,_ she tells herself. She asks her about the counter charm before leaving. _Just in case._ Harry sits by her side all this time. She loves him more than anything else in the world. He's the closest she'll ever have to a brother.

"I am sorry, Hermione." he whispers softly. She knows his apology isn't for her arm. She knows he has seen the hurt in her eyes.

He knows that she is too far gone as well. She can only wait for Dumbledore to to fix up their messed up situation. She knows her life would never be the same when she returns to her time. Her heart would never heal. She would stay in love with a dead man forever.

She hopes to get out of here soon. _It will be alright,_ she tells herself as she lays down on her bed in the dormitory that she shares with five girls including Lily. She doesn't know why he hates her. She doesn't like it.

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Alright, so I hope you liked it. Let me know and I might write more.

Review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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**Perhaps, in a brave new world, there would be justice...**

**Or is justice simply an idea created by our shrouded minds...**

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"So tell me Hermione, why does the cookie crumble?" Harry's voice is slurred and he fails dismally as he tries to wriggle his eyebrow comically.

"You're drinking too much." Hermione snaps at Harry and makes a grab for his glass but he draws it away from her reach. It is his fifth. It is the Hogsmeade weekend.

They are sitting in the Old Bar situated in a gloomy area in the Hogsmeade village. Harry insisted on going there. He wants to keep away from curious and suspicious eyes. Most of their schoolmates are still wary of them. Being of age, they are allowed to visit the bar and drink. Hermione thinks it is foolish of him to drink so much firewhiskey. She knows he cannot help it, it is the only thing that brings him some relief. But this has gone too far. He doesn't realise it. It would be bad enough to support him while they trudge back to the school. She does not want to levitate him in case he passes out.

"_Oh for God's sake!_" she sighs in exasperation and gets up, ready to wrestle the glass out of his hands if he puts up a fight but she is interrupted by an unpleasant voice.

"Wouldn't have expected you out here, Miss Edwards." Lucius Malfoy's cool drawl mocks her. She stops in her tracks and turns to face him. He stands a few steps away from her. She is wary of him but knows that he will not attack her in front of witnesses. _Maybe._

"What do you want, Malfoy?"

"Who _me_? Nothing at all. Just making conversation. It seems that we both enjoy murkier _escapades_..." he looks past her at Harry who seems to have trouble focusing as he looks at the source of noise around him. "...along with your brother, of course."

Hermione presses her lips and ignores him. She needs to get out of here. There has been too much trouble. They haven't been here for long and already the entire Slytherin house hates the two of them more than they hate the Marauders. She grabs Harry's arm and lifts him to his feet with some effort.

"What, leaving so soon..?" she hears the same offensive voice in her head. She remains silent and supports Harry through the door leaving Malfoy chuckling behind them. He is rather heavy and his breath smelly positively nasty. She hopes to avoid any students and teachers on the way. Harry's footsteps are lopsided as they move and she has to move slowly to avoid falling down. It won't be long until she sags down under his weight though, he is too heavy.

She looks around as she takes a short cut to the castle. The pathway is deserted so far. Hopefully, she'll reach the castle unseen. Now is when she_ really_ misses Harry's invisibility cloak. They reach the bend around which the castle lies with great labour on her part. She's literally exhausted. She cannot move another step. Just then, another voice hollers at her and Harry from behind.

"Hey Hermione! Wait up..." It's James. With his three friends in tow. Ever since their first scuffle with Slytherins, Harry and Hermione have been included as Honorary Marauders into their group. She doesn't like them much either but tries to get along by keeping silent mostly. For Harry's sake. But truth be told, she finds them just as boisterous and mean as the Slytherins. And sometimes, she wonders if her loyalties are misplaced.

Nevertheless, she stops. If only so that one of them would help her heave Harry across the vast grounds and sneak him into the castle.

"What happened to him?" James pats her back, rather forcefully, and points his thumb towards him. She rolls her eyes.

"Drunk." she mutters and shifts her weight. "Help me, I cannot do this anymore."

Sirius takes it upon himself to relieve her of the burden and puts Harry's arm around his while Remus helps support him. Harry murmurs something incoherently while being shifted. He's almost unconscious now. She wonders how if she would ever stop him from overdoing it.

"He's flattened. Why did you let him drink all that?" Remus enquires as they traverse the long way. Hermione's head is lowered. She, too, is rather forlorn. And in her defence, she doesn't have alcohol to wash it down with.

"Oh let the reprimand alone, Remus..." James interrupts bluntly and she is saved wasting her breath on lies. "Personally, I would admire a sister who lets me get drunk. I am glad she understands, unlike my cousin Lisa who runs and blabs everything to her Mommy. She's sixteen for God's sake. Some people _never_ grow up."

Hermione feels a little uncomfortable at this. Two years ago, nothing would have let her act with such irresponsibility. She should have stopped him on the first. But that war has taught her differently. It has taken a toll on both of them. She pushes these thoughts out of her mind as the group reaches the castle. They tiptoe across the entrance hall and walk in a file. The castle is mostly deserted. Most of the students are outside. They reach the Gryffindor Tower without much problem. Sirius and James carry Harry to their dormitory. She knows he'll have a hell of headache when he wakes up but for the time being he'll be fine. Asleep.

She sighs as she sits down in one of the armchairs by the fire. Remus joins her with his book.

"Why would you let him drink so much, Hermione?" Remus repeats his question for the second time. She cannot avoid it now.

"He has a lot on his mind,'' she hesitates and wonders if she should lie completely. She settles for a vague truth. "It has been more difficult for him than me. He needs to forget sometimes."

"Who's drunk?" Lily's voice interrupts their quiet conversation. Hermione groans and meets her emerald eyes. _Not this. Not now._

"No one." Hermione answers and crosses her legs looking away from the radiant girl in sight. Remus shifts in his seat. She knows he doesn't like dishonesty either.

"It's Harry, isn't it? I saw James and Sirius with their arms around him. I can't believe you'd let your own brother get drunk like that, Mia." Lily pouts in reproof. Hermione has had enough.

"Well, it's none of your business, is it?" she snaps and gets up from the chair. Lily's face has a wounded expression on it which she tries to hide by averting her eyes. Hermione hurries out of the portrait hole without an apology. She doesn't want to hurt Lily. She actually _likes_ her, of all the people she has met in the school. But sometimes, she cannot help her temper. It has nothing to do with her unrequited love, she tells herself. She will have to apologise to her soon, she knows. And sweet Lily would forgive her, she knows that too. Sometimes, she cannot fault Severus for loving her with such devotion as he does. She wishes she could. Then, she would at least have a reason to hate her. And she would probably use it. _Probably._

* * *

Harry groans and hits his head on the desk. They are in the potions class. The memory aiding concoction they are learning is rather complex and his hangover seems worse than usual. Hermione, who has him and Lily for partners, ignores it and continues slicing her beetles. _Another groan followed by a dull thud._ Hermione rolls her eyes.

"It's your own fault, you know." she hisses at him. The Professor who teaches them isn't too kind and she wants to keep away from any more punishments. "If you can't work then at least be quiet. I'll finish this with Lily." Harry pouts in response and lays his head on the table.

Lily looks over at the pair of them and shakes her head. Hermione has apologised to her for her misbehaviour yesterday and she has forgiven her. Hermione takes the dicing knife from Harry and hands it over to Lily. Hermione knows he's going to whine for the entire day now. She does not look forward to it. She sighs once more and gets up to fetch a new batch of lacewings for the potion from the store. She's met by_ him_ on the way. Her heart beats loudly as she walks and she tries to keep a straight face. She feels like a fool. He reaches the storeroom before she does and makes his way out just as she enters.

"Stay out of my way, things could get so much worse... " he hisses in her ear as she passes him. She closes her eyes, retrieves the ingredient and returns to her seat. She doesn't know why he hates her so much. She certainly does not know what he's talking about. _What way?_ _Oh, things are so messed up,_ she wishes Dumbledore would hurry and fix their situation. Her own studies have been futile. There is no way she and Harry can go back from what she has read. But she believes Dumbledore, and even after all this time, she trusts his words.

"Now, class, your potions must have acquired a distinct greenish hue. I want you to add lacewings to it one by one." Professor Brickthorn shouts at the class. What a funny name he has, rather appropriate as well, his voice certainly has the quality of bricks."If anyone messes up their potion, it will be a week worth of detentions." he adds rather jovially. Oh, and his personality is quite thorny as well. Perhaps nastiness is a trait required for the job of a Potions professor.

Everyone scrambles from their seats to get the lacewings form the store while Hermione and Lily read the instructions once more. The potion is quite complex and she knows that half of the class would end up in detention.

"Ah, so has everyone's potion turned blue?_ No_?" the Professor looks around evilly at the multicoloured concoctions under his nose and sighs dramatically. "Very well, detentions then to everyone who has failed. You may leave. And those of you who have manages to reach this stage, please place your half finished works under stasis charms and collect on the other side of the class."

Most of the class scramble to get out of the doors. They do not want their detentions doubled so they settle for the low grade they would receive. Hermione nudges Harry who groans and rises from his seat. His head is hung low as he slouches against the wall. Hermione looks over him with worry and resolves to get a hangover potion the minute she's out of class. She cannot stand to see him in pain much longer. Lily stands by her side. Only a handful of students have succeeded in correctly brewing the potion. The handful includes him. Severus. She refuses to look at him this time. Her pride has been wounded from the last encounter she had with him. She wouldn't look at him. No matter what, she wouldn't give in. _Even if her heart bleeds and chokes on its own sick. Even so._

Her resolve doesn't last long. The Professor has an announcement.

"I'll divide you all into groups of two each and building on this concept of memory potion will be your extra credit potion for the term... You are allowed to innovate. Those inattentive ones who missed out today will forfeit their grade which doubles the gap between their grades and yours if you manage acquire this extra credit." Professor Brickthorn adds in a nonchalant tone as he scribbles on his parchment. "Now, the first two will be... ah, Mr Snape and Ms Edwards, followed by Mr Cooper and Miss Evans, Mr Edwards and Miss Macdonald..."

The teacher keeps on speaking but Hermione's ears have tuned him out. Her resolve of a few minutes has given way as she sneaks a glance at him and finds his brows furrowed in anger. He doesn't like the arrangement, of course. She looks away, not wanting to see more of his ire directed her way. Harry is partnered with Mary, one of Lily's friends, a nice girl in Hermione's opinion. She bites her lip in worry. She doesn't wish for any more confrontations with Severus. Her heart cannot take more beatings. But it seems as if fate has another malicious plan for her. Soon, Professor Brickthorn is finished reciting the names and they are dismissed. She grabs Harry's hand and leaves the room as quickly as she can. She will see Dumbledore after dinner today. But not before she has got Harry his hangover relief potion.

* * *

"Please, Sir. Can you not tell us anything about the progress that has been made so far? I mean it is being done for us, right. How can it be dangerous?" Hermione has a pleading tone in her voice as she sits with Harry in Dumbledore's office. Not much has changed. Fawkes still graces his former or future position. The odd trinkets and devices are scattered all over his desk. The portraits are still as conspicuous as ever with the exception of Dumbledore's portrait. Harry shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He doesn't want to be here, Hermione knows. But she needs his support for this. At this point in her life, she probably needs his support for her existence.

"Miss Gra.. Edwards, I must implore you to have more patience. I am in contact with a former colleague of mine who specialises in such things. We will have a concrete solution to your problem as soon as may be. Please, trust me on this." His eyes twinkle behind those damn half moon glasses he wears. _Why half moo_n, she wonders._ Wouldn't square or rectangle be better? Or maybe round? Hmmm..._

"I understand that, Sir. But we have been here for a month and a half. I know it is very less but the problems are mounting up and it has become quite difficult for us to cope with them. These people... you have seen our memories, haven't you? Many of them die in the future,_ including yo_u. Surely, you can understand the trauma we face on a day to day level, Sir. I... Lily and James are Harry's parents..." she is stopped by Harry's pressure on her hand. She looks at him in question. He merely shakes his head and looks away. She gets the point. It is too personal. His torment and depression are his own to bear.

Dumbledore nods solemnly and looks at the two of them with a melancholy expression on his face. She can tell that he's sorry for them. Suddenly, she feels guilty for not trusting him more. He has always helped them. Even now, when he doesn't have seven years' history with them, he trusts them implicitly. He has provided them shelter at the school when they have nowhere else to turn to . He has even offered them monthly allowances which they earn weekly by sorting through some of his more tedious paper work. The room feels smaller and she wishes to leave. She doesn't want anymore of her hysteria overflowing the boundary of her control. She doesn't want the old wizard to be disappointed in them anymore. But before she has a chance to bid him goodbye, Harry speaks up.

"With all due respect, Sir, what will happen if this acquaintance cannot find a way for us to get back? Do we... do we stay here?" his tone is worn, she can feel the tattered threads of his will and spirit. She wants to get out of this room as quick as she can. She wants to hug Harry and cry until she's unconscious. She cannot take it anymore either.

"That will not happen, Harry. Rest assured, it is my first priority." Dumbledore's declaration has a final tone to it. Hermione can tell that Harry wants to continue discussing but Dumbledore's tone puts him off. He nods at the old wizard and gets up to leave. Hermione wishes the Headmaster a quiet Goodnight and she too follows Harry out.

They both walk silently as they move in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Heads lowered, furrowed brows, their body postures are similar to each other. They really could pass as brother and sister which is what their cover story is for the rest of the school.

A low sound from a nearby class room stops them. No one is around. It isn't past curfew yet but the corridor is deserted. Harry stops her with a glance and tiptoes to the door. He throws her a questioning look as if to ask whether he should try to listen at the door or simply barge in. She shakes her head and signals for him to move aside. She knows a charm that amplifies sounds for a limited area only.

_'Predicent Aurem'_

The whispered chant is potent enough to amplify sounds for at least a feet around her. Harry can hear the sounds from the room as well. The voices are familiar and both of them recognise them immediately.

"No, not like _that_ James. Show some creativity, try the permanent sticking jinx and cast it on his forehead..."

"Seriously, Sirius. I think this is enough. In any case, he wouldn't be able to return to his dormitory tonight. I don't want to be caught."

"Have you turned a sissy, James? I taught you better than that... Now, _don't ruin the fun_... And remember, it's retribution for Hermione..."

"No, let's get out before someone hears us... So long, _Snivellus_..."

A sound of dull thud is heard followed by shuffling of feet. Harry grabs Hermione's hand and they duck into another corridor so as to escape being sighted by their _friends_. Harry's face has turned pale. His father and his friend have bullied someone. Again. Both of them know who that victim is. _'Snivellus'_ isn't a name you forget in a hurry. Hermione's heart twists in her chest. She feels his pain as if it is hers. In some way, it is hers. As soon as the two miscreants leave, rather noisily, she enters the room. Harry stays behind and waits for her to return. He wants to be alone. He wants to leave too.

Her heart stops for a moment as she takes in his state. His lower lip is bruised and he has a blackened eye. He seems to be under an extended body bind and, if she knows the Marauders, they along with Harry and her are the only ones who know the counter curse. He also has small bump that looks rather prominent on his pale skin. She bites her lip and raises her wand that shakes slightly. Even in his bound state, she can see the disdain in his eyes.

_"Finite Incantatem."_

She whispers in a small voice and moves to help him up but he jumps to his feet before she can reach him.

"Severus I..." she begins but a single venomous glance from him quietens her. He abhors her. Another knot tightens in her chest.

"Fuck off!" he hisses at her angrily and fetches his wand that lies by the desk and runs out of the classroom.

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So, another chapter, eh? Now, I need you to really tell me if you like this... suggestions are always welcome... do you like more angst or should I make it lighter than it is right now.?

Oh well, do review...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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**I don't wanna move a thing,**

**It might change my memory...**

**I won't go, **

**I won't breathe,**

**I won't sleep... until you're resting here with me...**

* * *

"Tell me again, the theory says that time moves in circles, right?" Harry taps his temple with the end of his quill. He and Hermione are seated in the library in a far corner hidden from casual sight. They have access to the Restricted Section at Dumbledore's behest. _Much good it does to them._

"Yeah, but not necessarily...'' Hermione mumbles absently as she reads through the contents of another tome dedicated to complexities of time travel equations, "It takes on different characters according to rules that no one knows for sure." she sighs and pushes the book away. Most of the material they have been through is useless.

"When we saved Buckbeak..."

"We didn't change anything. Circular time travel." she points out and scratches a few lines on her parchment. "It was like we had always been there anyway."

Harry nods and returns to the book he's currently perusing. If he is honest to himself, he does not want to return and leave things to turn out the way he knows they will. He wants to help. He wants to... not feel so _helpless_. He has no one waiting for him to return. Ginny and he broke up a while before his and Hermione's unfortunate accident. They weren't compatible. He is too broken. The ravages of war have cost him too dear. Ron had moved to a different country altogether. He, too, was tarnished. There was absolutely no one else. And here... he has everyone. Only, these people are not who he had thought them to be. Still, they are alive and well. Voldemort is a real threat but it seems obscure and distant to him. Perhaps he is no longer afraid of his arch nemesis.

"What happened in the classroom yesterday? I only saw Snape run out and then you turned up a while later. My Dad..." Harry begins to ask the question she has avoided the entire day. She bites her lip and places her chin on her palm. Her eyes are empty as she gazes into his emerald ones. They are in true likeness of his mother's eyes.

"Do you remember the first time we had a Potions class?" she looks at the confusion on his face as she places both her elbows on her thighs. Harry realises that she wants to talk now so he lays down his quill and nods his head. He remembers it too well. There is so much history. So many things left unsaid. So many regrets.

"And do your remember the question Snape asked you? About wormwood and asphodel and the Draught of Living Death?" Harry nods again but this time his eyes narrow as he tries to understand where the conversation is headed. She sees a flicker of some unknown emotion cross his green orbs. It isn't anger, she knows.

"Bitterness laced with eternal regret create the perfect recipe for the living dead. A dead life... his dead life." she speaks quietly not wanting even the air to catch her words and transport them, "I don't want it to be this way..."

"I don't understand..." Harry begins but stops as she continues.

"Snape. He told you this indirectly. His dead life that stemmed from bitter regret and unyielding remorse ..."

Comprehension dawns over Harry's face and he closes his eyes. She knows that now is the time to tell him. She knows he will listen. He always does.

"I couldn't understand it then. But I do see it now. Remember our third year? When we knocked him out with three disarming charms?" she hopes the exposition is enough for him to understand what she wants to talk about. Harry's lips quirk a little upwards as he smiles. He is uncomfortable, she can see that. Sometimes it is harder to reconcile with regret. His misunderstanding of Snape is something he regrets to this day, especially the fact that they did not save him. To be honest, there was no time and the circumstances were impossible but there is no reasoning with guilt. It simply is.

"We knocked him out and he lay on the cold floor. We simply didn't care. A part of use actually reveled in the fact that we had managed to get back at our hateful teacher." her eyes close slightly and her lips part. Harry is silent and watchful.

"And in the fifth year, he alerted the Order to our predicament. We would have died, so easily, without anyone knowing. I was on the brink of death. The scar from the purple curse still rests on my chest."

"I know he has helped us, Hermione, and for that I am grateful. The war couldn't have been won without his efforts. I truly understand and acknowledge that but I don't see where you are going with this..." Harry's voice has the tone of impatience in it which she knows very well but she is resolved to speak her mind the way she wants to. And she also knows that he will understand at the end why it is so important for her.

"Please, bear with me..." she whispers silently. There is urgency in her voice as if her very life depends on it. "The sixth year, Harry... To rip apart one's soul in order to save another's... In order to do the right thing... In order to let others live while you die... your life isn't of much value anyway, why not sacrifice it? There is nothing to lose. Remember the day Dumbledore died, Harry, remember his last words...?"

"Do you remember the last year we were in exile? The endless nights and fruitless chases. The battle? He lay dying there. Was there truly nothing we could have done to help? You can rationalise but the guilt in you knows better. What were his last words to you, Harry? Look at me... He asked you to look into his soul and find the bitter regret and love that was shrouded by his ugly exterior. Ugly, Harry... So ugly and loathsome. You... no we got a look at his entire existence but he went to his grave not knowing."

"Hermione, you're shaking..." Harry lays his hand on her hair and looks at her in concern as a single tear drop leaves her closed eyes. She inhales deeply and looks back at him. He is visibly distressed. It won't be long now.

"I don't want him to die like he did, Harry."

Harry swallows and looks away. She has finally made her confession to him and his reaction is as she has expected all along. He has known. He has grown to be quite perceptive and he usually knows how she feels. But she has never admitted her feelings. Until now.

"I... Hermione, this is..." he begins but falls short of words. Words are always inadequate. Things that matter can never be described and those that do not matter have elaborate praises lavished on them. Ironic but true. "I don't understand why you feel for him the way you do."

Hermione's eyes are glistened as her brows frown in thought. She wants to answer him but again, words aren't enough. She tries. "I... don't think I know why, Harry. It isn't something I am aware of myself, in any case. It just is."

"I don't want to go back. I don't think Dumbledore has a way. He never did." she clutches her quill hard and there is so much conviction in her voice that even Harry's wavering doubt strengthens into concrete belief. "I have read these books. We can never go back, Harry." she finishes and leans back in he chair. It isn't too late yet. The curfew isn't for another hour but the gloom inside them makes the night appear dark and foreboding.

"Hermione... there isn't anything we can do, you know that. We can't change time. Hell, you gave me the same lecture a few days ago." Harry's voice is gentle as he tries to be reasonable, "we'll find a way. We'll get out. I don't want to either but we can't risk the war. We can't. Remember what happened the last time Voldemort had control? It would be akin to trading a sure future for something worse and uncertain. I... I know you care for him and for the life of me I can't understand why but I do respect your feelings. I want to help. Hell, I want to save my parents too but this isn't something we can do."

"_Did you not hear me?_ _There is no way to go back._ All we can do is move forward in this time and I'll be damned if I let any of the past repeat itself!" Hermione mutters vehemently and hits the table with her hand. "Don't you see? We're trapped._ Fucking pawns._ Dumbledore has seen all our memories. He knows exactly what happens next. He has no way to send us forward. Do you see what will happen now? Do you have any idea? There aren't any older copies of us in the future we come from, we haven't heard of them at least. DO you see what that means?"

"It means that either we find a way back or we perish... here. Our death would be inconsequential if no one can remember our existence. But if time moves along a circular path then this has already happened anyway and nothing we do here changes the future." Harry answers her truthfully. It is a doubt that has been troubling his mind lately and he wishes to get it out. "In our third year, when we saved Buckbeak it was as if we had already saved him anyway. So in theory, if we try to do something here it would lead to the same results that we know of in future. The future wouldn't change. It is the only reason I haven't tried."

Hermione nods at his statement. She shivers slightly in her seat. It is true, what he says is right. But... there have been exceptions. _There were other things_. Perhaps there is a way it could be done. Perhaps the knowledge to that lies buried under innumerable tomes that grace the library.

"I know it sounds desperate and vague but_ if_ there is a way, I promise you I'll find it. I told you already that time need not be circular. Things aren't set in stone. I... I have certainly read of other theories about time that have fit into one of the schemes at least. I refuse to go back. Not now, I know it sounds selfish and immature but think, Harry. If only we could try to fight here rather than let the future roll out the way we know it does, so many would be saved. Remus, Tonks, Fred, George, your parents and so many others..."

"Dumbledore doesn't agree..." Harry interrupts her.

"Dumbledore doesn't always do the right thing, does he? For him, the needs of many outweigh the needs of a few. The greater good. He has never outgrown any of that, has he?" she retorts as she gathers her notes and stuffs them into her tiny bag. "You are too kind and forgiving. Not that I don't like it but I think there is some other reason why he's keeping us here. It is certainly not out of altruistic motives alone."

"He's a good man, Hermione. I... we all have our grievances against him but he did get us victory. You're not thinking properly, you cannot fixate on one man..."

"On the contrary, Harry, I think the cost of victory was_ too great_." she gets up abruptly to leave, "And I am not thinking of one man, I am thinking of the faceless many who should have lived. You'll see. _You already do."_

Her heart is sorrowful as she makes her way back to the Gryffindor tower. The empty corridors echo with her footsteps. Harry hasn't followed her. She knows he wouldn't have. He needs to think just like her. They need to set their priorities straight. Their resolves and motives change so frequently that it is hard to keep track of them. But for now, she is resolute. She knows she is right. And Harry will see it too. Soon. _Hadn't he quarreled against her on not being able to do anything a while ago?_ He was all for the idea then. What has changed in a few days, she does not know. But she knows that he will come around. He's smart enough. He will come around.

* * *

"No, this doesn't quite add up. Adding Hawthorn to the mixture cannot yield this result." Hermione is bent over her parchment in the common room. She likes working with Lily who knows what they are doing as opposed to most of the other study partners she has had so far. _In both time periods_. Lily's hair falls a bit over her eyes and she shrugs them off repeatedly but to no avail. Hermione finds herself watching her at odd times. She tries to see what he loves about her. And see she does. She is full of life and love. She is kind and fiercely loyal to her friends. She is independent and outspoken and yet considerate. She sees everything that Severus must see in her and adores her. Hermione sometimes wishes she had a friend like her when she was growing up at Hogwarts. She loved being with Harry and Ron but having a close girlfriend is something else entirely. But at times she cannot help but be jealous of the girl. Jealous._ How crass, so mean._ It makes her feel unworthy of herself.

"Mia?" her soft voice arouses her from self deprecating musings.

"Yeah." Hermione looks up from her parhment and her quill stills.

"You're partnered with Severus, right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Nothing, it's just... I was friends with him. We used to be partners for every project right up to the end of our fifth year." Lily bites her lips and averts her eyes. Hermione knows that they were friends. She wonders why Lily has brought up this topic.

"It's just... he's changed a lot. I... we were good to each other. We don't really talk that much anymore but I can see how he has changed for worse. I just want you to be careful. He's not as nice as he used to be." she lowers her voice and stares into Hermione's honey brown eyes, "He cursed Mary two months ago. It was awful. Just... be careful."

"I see." Hermione doesn't know why but she isn't comfortable discussing him with Lily. What Lily has said is true enough, Hermione herself has heard Mary talk about it. It was an inexcusable act on his part but for some reason she doesn't want to talk about him anymore. But she doesn't forget that Lily is her friend and has her best interests at her heart. Hermione knows that Severus isn't nice at all. He never was. But that doesn't deter her from feeling as she does. She knows him to be prejudiced and vicious at this point of time. He isn't the redeemed man of her time. He is a gifted teenager with hatred and bitterness in his heart. But she cannot help how she feels. She isn't weak. She is just... her. She smiles at the lack of adjectives she has when defining herself. Meanwhile, her lack of a longer response elicits Lily to ask another question of her.

"So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend? With Mary and me, of course..."

"Oh, um... alright, can I bring Harry along?" she frowns as a quiet plan to convince Harry begins to take shape in her mind.

"Sure, the more the merrier. Your brother is actually nice, you know... Not like the pompous Marauders, they give me headaches whenever I overhear them talking... Mary likes him too..." Lily smiles slightly and looks into the dying embers of the common room fire, "James asked me out again..."

"Why don't you go?"

"I'm not sure I want to be around him... It's just... I'd rather not have complications in my life you know..."

Hermione nods and begins scribbling on her parchment again. She can certainly see where her hesitation stems from. Lily is well aware of the Marauders' tricks and the incident last night has left Hermione rather fuming. She isn't speaking to them at the moment. James and Sirius have been to apologise to her twice since she confronted them about having hurt Severus. They were still smug about their little act of retribution and did not feel guilty about it. Hermione has decided to not speak to them till they see her point. She can't really fault Lily for not liking James outright.

But James and Lily... they just fit. Right there. Like they were made for each other. Like the world stood still for them to move into the embrace of love. They simply fit. She knows it would never have worked for Lily and Severus. It isn't envy that leads her to such a conclusion. Had she not lived through a grueling war with hideous experiences, she would probably be as innocent as Lily in dividing the world into dark and light. But she knows it isn't true. And that is why she understands Severus. She understands where his desire to inflict pain stems from. Lily doesn't see his predilection for darker things as anything other than evil. She hasn't known the horrors that drive him to such pursuit. But Hermione has seen the end of a war and she knows how shades of grey adorn the world. She knows how it feels to have the acute sting of death in her bones. She knows how it feels to lie on the cold floor looking up into the eyes of her tormentor and want to kill them. Retribution. Pain. Death. She knows them too well. She feels grey too. Just a bitter wisp of a grey cloud.

"Why aren't you friends with him...? Is it because he has changed for the worse...?" Hermione hesitates before asking the question. It really isn't her business. She knows the answer as well. Perhaps she wants Lily to feel the pain just a bit.

"I...he's into dark arts. I couldn't reconcile myself with that aspect of his personality. His friends are all aiming to to follow You-Know-Who... I'm a muggle born, Hermione. It literally translates to the fact that he wants to be part of an anti-social group that wishes to obliterate the likes of me and muggles. Says something about our friendship, doesn't it?" Lily's tone is bitter as she speaks. Hermione feels a little guilty for bringing it up. Perhaps she should change the topic. That might help.

"So... Mary likes my brother...?" Hermione asks in a playful tone. Lily's face lights up at that. Her eyes are bright as she speaks to her.

"Yeah..."

"Oh, you know it might be nice to see them together..." Hermione winks. She has heard another classmate speak about Mary's infatuation as well.

"I'll say. My sister Petunia is a nightmare though. She doesn't like me because I am a witch..." Lily adds wistfully. " But say... would you be amenable to setting the two of them together...? Mary is really a nice girl, you know... She hasn't liked anyone since..." She stops and bites her lip. Hermione raises her eyebrow but Lily just shakes her head. "I'd be betraying confidence if I told. I'm sorry, Mia."

"It's alright. I guess we could all go together on the Hogsmeade weekend... It'll be kind of a date and if Harry likes her at the end of it, we'll... ahem... push them a bit..."

"You got it." Lily gives Hermione a conspiratorial smile and pats her hand.

* * *

_A repeated round of clinking glasses. Sounds of strangers and friends. Harry was by her side a few moments ago. Now, she simply couldn't find him. He had recently broken up with Ginny. She had recently broken up with Ron. She stood amidst chaos once more in a party thrown for the martyrs of war. _

_"Hermione..." Ron's slurred speech made her turn. _

_"You're drunk." her first words to him are a reprimand._

_"I can't stop." he pouted and looked back at her. "I... came here to see you tonight."_

_"Ron... don't go down that road." she didn't want to argue here._

_"No, please Hermione. I don't know what went wrong but I will try to make it better. I promise. If you'll just..." The rest of his speech was lost as he touched and caressed her cheek gently. _

_"Ron, it doesn't work... You know that. All we've done these four months is fight and argue. I can't do this anymore..." she sighed and moved away. The jovial spirits of the party were stifling and she knew that Harry felt the same way. She just wanted to find him and apparate home. Strange how Grimmauld Place had become home to her. She had moved in with Harry after she had failed to locate her parents. Her old house was a wreck. The Death Eaters had tried to come after her parents but had failed. They had vented out their anger on her old home. _

_Espying him standing in a corner, she walked over to him quickly. He was staring moodily into space. Things had been hard for him. The trauma never ceased. _

_"That's his book, you know." he mumbled as he sighted her. He was pointing towards an object laid on one of the tables. It was a sixth year potions copy. _

_"The half blood prince? Didn't you put it in the Room of Requirement?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded. Hermione picked it up and flicked through the pages. Snape's untidy scrawl stood out. She remembered his face as he lay dying in front of her in the shack. _

_"How'd it get here?" _

_Harry shrugged his shoulders and took another sip out of his glass. Hermione frowned but let it go. _

_"He didn't deserve to die like he did..." She murmured softly as she scanned the crowd for meaning._

_Suddenly, she wanted to get out of there more than before. She literally dragged him through the crowd to the foyer. Once there, she took out her wand and was ready to apparate just as she felt a strange tug. She looked at Harry in confusion and noticed his emerald eyes look back at her in puzzlement. A searing pain hit her abdomen and she doubled up. _

_"Hermione!" Harry's muffled scream sounded near her. She hadn't let go of his arm yet. The pain intensified and her eyes reddened. The entire world seemed a speck of dust. It was then that she lost her consciousness. _

Hermione's eyes shoot open. Her face is pale and covered in sweat. She has dreamed it before. She has dreamed of the night when Harry and she were thrown into this time period. She cannot call it a nightmare. She has gone through the particulars of the night a million times before but she simply cannot fathom the reason or the mechanism of the accident. She closes her eyes and shifts back into her covers.

Tomorrow is her first meeting with Severus for the project. He hasn't acknowledged or returned the letter she has sent him twice. She will have to seek him out. Tomorrow. She dreads it but she is strong. She has to be strong. For herself. For Harry. For him...

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reviewed... Lover of Fantasy, bluefirefly5, Vinaplains, Smithback, LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL... Your reviews made my day.

bluefirefly: I'll provide the reason for his hatred soon. :)

More Severus and Hermione interaction coming up in the next chapter.

Please review and let me know if you liked this one. Criticism appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

**You are beautiful, no matter what they say... **

* * *

"What say we sneak down to the village tonight? We'll get a few Butterbeers and have a late night party... Say, Harry, are you game?" James says as he plops down in the armchair. Hermione raises an eyebrow at him but remains silent. Harry looks... conflicted. Hermione can read him like a book. He wants to hang out with his father but the proximity brings many surprises that are rather unwelcome. He also doesn't want any more mental breakdown than what he has been having. He swallows before he replies.

"We got caught the last time,"

"That was nothing. We won't get caught this time. James will take the cloak…" Sirius rubs his hands in excitement. Remus shakes his head but stays silent like Hermione.

"I… I would like to go," Pettigrew licks his lips as he looks from Harry to James. Hermione wonders why people haven't made a connection yet. Harry looks just like his father. Their personalities are different, of course, but they have the same kindness in their nature. Well, James is kind to his friends whereas Harry is kind to everyone.

_But Pettigrew…_ she purses her lips. She loathes the boy. He cannot be allowed to go with the boys. Now that she is determined to change the horrid future that awaits them, she will not relent.

"And what use would _you_ be, _Peter_, if you were to go with them? Scurry away like the _rat_ you are as soon as trouble strikes?" she bites out in anger that is beginning to mount within her. James and Sirius look scandalised at her response. Remus looks puzzled but says nothing. And Harry… he, for once, sides with her.

"Don't talk to Peter like that, Mione. He's our friend…" James frowns as he speaks.

"_Is he_, James? Are you really _that_ out of touch with the reality? I pity you." She gets up suddenly and makes to leave but Harry catches her hand making her halt. She closes her eyes and turns to face him. As she gazes into his emerald eyes, she sees that he understands. It has taken him some time to come to the imminent conclusion but he has understood. They come to an understanding in the brief glance they share._ Peter has to go. He simply must._

It is funny how momentous decisions are made in a matter of seconds. Hermione knows that Harry had never given up on hope. He had silently nurtured it even when she had him convinced that leaving the timeline was the best option available to them. She knows they cannot leave. She can feel it in her skin. Dumbledore… he has an agenda of his own. She can feel the ominous threat looming over their heads. She doesn't know what they'll do next but she doesn't worry about it much right now. She has Harry's full support now. She will be able to overcome most obstacles with him by her side. It is best to take one step at a time. She has his support. They will obliterate the wrongs of their past.

It is the best way. The only way.

One change at a time.

_Peter must go._

"I think you should apologise to Peter, Hermione…" Harry speaks. She catches a glint of mischief in his eyes. _They will enjoy this game._

"Apologise? Why, whatever for…?" She crosses her arms over her chest and moves away from the group. The common room is deserted this afternoon. Most of the students have classes, while they have an off period. Lily is missing as well. She takes more classes than they do.

"Oh, I don't know…" Harry gets up as well, "Perhaps for the blatantly frank manner in which you spoke the truth."

Peter looks shifty as his eyes dart from one person to another.

"Now, look Harry and Mione, Peter's been our friend for many years now. You cannot just insult him like that," James says in indignation. Sirius nods vehemently.

"Well, what does he have to say for himself then?" Hermione turns to face the three Marauders who have stood up by now. Remus, strangely, remains seated.

"I… I would never betray my friends…" Peter chokes out. He is repulsive at best. She does not want to remember his worst.

"Really, _rat_? How did your _dear friends_ and my brother get caught last time? You weren't with them, I remember well…"

"It… It was Mulciber, as we all know… He told our Head," Peter moves back a bit as Hermione steps towards him.

"Was it, _really_? Ah, it must have slipped my mind. Dear _cousin_ Mulciber ratted them out, you say? Isn't he darling _Aunt _Agatha's dearest son?" Hermione examines her nails nonchalantly but she can sense a change in the mood. She has done her homework. It seems the other three Marauders aren't aware of their friend's murky relations. She is enjoying it. _Far too much_.

"Mulciber's y… your cousin?" James struggles with words but they elude him. Sirius, too, is disarmed and he looks revolted. Remus looks interested. She can sense Harry's wariness behind her. He is ready for anything.

"That doesn't mean I am guilty! So what if he is my cousin? I hate him as much as you guys do! I don't see you discriminate against Remus for being a werewolf…" Peter's tone is hysterical. It isn't needed. He doesn't meet his friends' eyes.

"Oh we would _never_ do that… But the fact that only you and I knew of the night time escapade goes against _you_ doesn't it?" Hermione retorts and draws out her wand. Peter looks stricken but stands his ground. She can see why he was chosen for Gryffindor.

"Now, Hermione…" James moves to stop her, drawing out his own wand in turn, but is stopped by Sirius's hand on his shoulder.

"Swear on it," Hermione whispers.

The entire room falls silent. The only noise is that of the fire place crackling merrily. She can hear the incessant buzzing of an oncoming storm in her head. She wonders if others can feel it too.

"Swear…?"

"Prove the truthfulness of your word. Make the _Truth Seeker's_ vow."

Hermione enjoys seeing the blood drain out of Peter's face. She doesn't know if he is already contemplating treachery but she can make an educated guess. Peter's cousin has swayed him to the lure of the other side. The _Truth Seeker's _vow is the most potent of all truth extracting solutions. It forces the bearer to speak the truth under pain of death. The only drawback lies in the fact that it must be made willingly. She has Peter trapped. She has planted the seed of doubt in his friends' minds. She will enjoy stripping down the facade of friendship he wears.

She wonders where the desire for vengeance comes from. She feels its acute sting every time she looks at the perpetrators of heinous deeds in her time. There are so many unresolved emotions, so many lifeless bodies and so much blood smeared on her hands that she feels numb most of the time. She represses it. She tries hard.

"Fine! What do you want from me?" Peter snaps at her. She has him cornered. She smiles at him as his friends look on. They wouldn't interrupt now. They haven't created any problems.

She raises her wand and enjoys the look in his face. He flinches but stands his ground. A whispered incantation seals the bond between the two of them. It will last until he chooses to break it.

"Would you, _Peter_, by way of word or deed, willingly betray James, Sirius or Remus?" Hermione's whisper echoes in the room. She feels Harry move beside her.

A cold shiver runs through her spine as she looks at the mousy boy in front of her. He is shaking badly. If he lies, he shall die. If he speaks the truth, he shall forfeit their friendship. He is trapped. Like a mouse that he is.

She feels the sharp tendrils of binding magic leave her body.

He has chosen to detract.

_He has lost._

She smiles at the looks of anger that cross the Marauders' faces. But she doesn't want to stay. The room is too small. She can feel the walls close in on her. She needs to breathe.

She stands mute and replaces her wand in its holster.

_The silence is deafening._

She takes one breath in and leaves the room.

* * *

She stands near the stained window and observes the variegated patterns on the glass. Harry would follow her here, she knows. Lately, she enjoys coming here to think. She remembers the shards of broken glass that lay at her feet as the window was blown apart along with the side wall in her time. She was there when it happened.

She runs a hand on the bare wall and feels the cold seep through her fabric and drench her skin.

The sound of footsteps announces Harry's presence by her side.

"Do you think I was too cruel, Harry?" she says.

He strokes a stray curl of hers before moving to squeeze her shoulder in comfort. She sighs as a tear runs down her cheek. She sighs and faces him.

"Are you with me, Harry?"

"Always," He presses a kiss on her forehead and hugs her before she breaks down. He doesn't want to see her cry.

He doesn't want to cry either.

Not anymore.

* * *

She catches sight of Severus in the library. It is evening. He hasn't replied to any of her notes for a meeting yet so she has chosen to seek him out. She hopes that he won't hex her as soon as he sees her. She tiptoes to the side of his desk without him noticing much. It is hidden behind a pillar and affords him relative privacy.

"I know you are there," his silky voice is laced with venom and she stops in surprise. _Oh well, so much for caution if he attacks her._ She will defend herself.

"Look, I just want to do this project and I will be out of your hair," She speaks with resolve as she faces him. She cannot help but look at the troubled expression on his face. She can see the conflict. He wants good grades as well. A scowl mars his features as he thinks. She shuffles her feet in embarrassment and feels like a stupid girl. She can feel her heart beat loudly in her chest. She feels this way every time he is near her.

"I do not need your help. I can do it on my own," his tone is acerbic but it lacks venom.

"What, and allow free credit to a _Gryffindor_ without any contribution on her part?" she mocks lightly and sees the anger flare in him. His coal black eyes bore into her for a few seconds before he draws out his wand and moves to attack. She wonders why he is so reckless as to try attacking her in the library. She flicks her wrist and moves swiftly before he can. In one silent gesture, his wand lands in her hand. Her own wand is pressed into his throat. The anger in his eyes does not subside but a look of fear can be discerned. She has proven to him that she is a worthy opponent.

"I have had_ enough_, Severus. We will do the project, together, without conflicts. I don't care what your fucked up friends say about me or what you think of me but you will _not_ attack me again. I will not give you another chance and believe me, _I bite harder than I growl_," With those words, she pushes him back lightly before she places his wand on the desk. Severus's lips are pressed but he does not oppose her as she sits beside him. She drags the thick tome he has been perusing towards herself and looks through some topics.

"I have already chosen the experiment I want to work on," Severus fingers his wand and scowls at the table. She smirks at him.

"Very well, fill me up on it," She pushes the book away and crosses her fingers in interest. She sees him blink, perhaps in surprise, before he coughs and launches into an explanation of his chosen topic. Perhaps, he had expected her to protest. She smiles inwardly at his naiveté. He hasn't seen all that he is fated to. When he reaches that stage, he would be able to overpower tens of her without any real effort. But she wouldn't let it come to pass. She wouldn't let him…_ die_. Not like that. Not like that.

It is fifteen minutes before Severus finishes his… well, _tirade_. She can see that the stuff fascinates him. She can discern the excited glint in his eyes as he speaks, moodily and reluctantly, about the topic. At the end, she nods her head before scribbling something on her parchment.

"I like the idea. Could we add just one little thing?" she says.

He remains silent.

"Let's add the equations for time to the potion. It might fetch very interesting results…"

He opens his mouth to say something hurtful but closes it again. She can hear the wheels move in his brain. He is very smart. Smarter than she is, for sure. A frown of contemplation graces his face and almost hollow eyes as he thinks. She looks away.

Suddenly, she hears him get up. He drags the chair backward and moves towards the door but stops.

"This changes nothing," he speaks to the invisible air around him before leaving. He knows she has heard him. She has. She bites her lip before drowning out the noises of sorrow in her head. She wonders what future will bring now that she and Harry have set into motion a series of irreversible events.

"It changes everything," she murmurs to herself as she lays down her head on the desk and sighs. She needs more information. She needs time. But most of all, she needs her old self back.

* * *

Alright, so thanks to everyone who reviewed. bluefirefly5, MoonShadowAMR, LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL.

You guys are awesome. I really appreciate your reviews.

SO this was a little later than I wanted but I hope you enjoyed it. DO you want longer chapters? I'd be happy to oblige (wink wink)

Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

**Straining for a chance to live, **

**To change that from what has been...**

* * *

Hermione's legs dangle in air as she sits on the narrow ledge that overlooks the greenhouses. She is quite high up and strictly speaking, students aren't allowed to sit here. But she likes this place. It has an abandoned air about it and she feels at peace. It has become hers and Harry's favourite haunt. No one comes here. No one is broken enough to seek this dangerous place.

She lights up a thin cigarette and watches the autumn breeze sweep the floor. Dried leave gather around and move in whirlwinds, sometimes rising up quite high. She can see a few students still about the castle grounds as she blows a small, insubstantial smoke ring into the air. She hears Harry's footsteps and feels him move to cross the window ledge, thereby reaching her. He sits by her side.

"Those things are bad for you, you know," he says after a protracted silence wherein each contemplates the scenery before them.

"I know," Hermione says and offers him one. Harry takes one in his fingers and lights it with the tip of his wand.

"Sirius shut Peter in the vanishing cabinet, you know, the one that appears at will wherever it wants," Harry mutters as he gazes at the burning end of his cigarette and flicks off some ash.

"Did he now? Inspired, I must say," Hermione gives out a small laugh and meets Harry's emerald gaze. "It will take him some time to turn up, if at all, in the right place and the right time. A befitting punishment, don't you think?"

She sees a looks of discomfort pass on Harry's face as he averts his eyes and stares at the greenhouses below. If someone stood in the courtyard and looked up, they would be able to see two teenagers sitting in a dangerous position. But no one looks up. There isn't anyone out in the courtyard.

"I… I'm not sure, Hermione. Do you think it was right, whatever we did, since Peter hasn't actually become a traitor yet?"

"Oh, lay off, will you? You saw that he was already beginning to betray the Marauders, if in small measures, and these tiny acts would have culminated in your parents' death, the condemnation of an innocent man and social ostracism of another good man." She blows out a huge puff of grey smoke and watches pensively as it merges into the air around them and vanishes. Harry doesn't answer her and remains silent.

"What about Dumbledore?"

"What about him?"

"He'll know, won't he? And when he finds out what we have done, he will not keep quiet. I have a bad feeling about this, Hermione. We have fractured the entire time-line. Who knows how the future will pan out now…?"

"He won't know of it, at least not until he realises the divide between the Marauders and Peter. It's a good thing that Sirius chose such an amusing punishment for him. He won't be around for Dumbledore to be able to discern the change in their group dynamics." She shimmies closer to Harry as the wind around them grows colder. He puts his arm around her and sighs.

"What about Voldemort? He still lives, he still has the Horcruxes and we will be catapulted into another war," Harry mumbles as he shifts to make more room for her.

"Then we will go through with another war, and what's more, we will have the upper hand this time. We have all the information we need to finish him off."

Harry meets her determined face with an uncertain expression of his own. He stays quiet and crushes the cigarette bud on the floor beside him…

"It will be a long road, won't it? One more gruelling and terrifying than before…" he whispers quietly and leans back against the wall. Hermione doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to; they both know the implications of their actions. Now that they have ousted Peter, history has changed and they would all bear the brunt of the oncoming war.

"Lily invited us to the Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow…" Hermione informs him, somewhat smiling. "We have a secret plan to set you up with her friend, Mary…" She watches a blush cross Harry's cheeks and smirks at him. _Oh, he likes her alright._

"You like her, don't you…?" She nudges him with her elbow as he looks away, trying hard to stop her from seeing what is written plainly across his face. "Come now, don't be shy, it's not like you're a virgin…"

"Hermione…!" he protests weakly but Hermione's uplifted spirits cannot be quenched until she has thoroughly questioned and lectured him.

"Oh, come on. It's been a long time since you broke up with Ginny. Surely you wouldn't mind dating someone now, especially since we are staying here. I think you could do with some getting _laid_. You have been a nervous wreck for the past few weeks," she speaks and raises her eyebrows at his reddened face. He is so adorable when shy.

"I'll think about it, alright. Now, will you stop harassing me and get on with your life…?" he sighs out in frustration.

"Sure, Mr Potter. If you will excuse me, I have a study date with Severus." She rises and ruffles his hair, which she knows irritates him, and climbs into the empty classroom. Harry stares after her, contemplating, musing about what is to become of their life as time unfolds.

* * *

"Hullo, Severus," she speaks lightly and sits down beside him. She notices how his shoulders stiffen and how his jaws clench when he becomes aware of her presence, but she ignores it. She really doesn't want to feel sad anymore. So, she ignores the look of disdain that crosses his eyes as he looks at her. She ignores everything and continues jovially with her remarks. He doesn't answer her. In fact, he doesn't so much as raise his head from the current book he's perusing.

"You reek of smoke," he bites out after a long silence that falls between them when she stops her senseless tirade.

"Yes, well, I had a cigarette," She scratches out a few equations and pulls out a new parchment to begin anew. She notices how he looks scandalised at her revelation and his lips turn into a cruel smile.

"Wouldn't expect anything better of a Muggle-whore such as yourself, filth and trash that you are."

Hermione's hand freezes mid sentence. It is not his words alone that cut her, no, it is the memory that his words stir up. She has been called that before, in a different place and a different time, and they haunt her. It is not the crass insult that hurts her; it is the memory of what follows that insult that bothers her. Unbidden and reluctantly, she feels the corners of her eyes burn. A lone teardrop crosses the barriers of her eyelids and falls on the parchment. It blots the fresh ink she has penned onto the paper. She grabs her wand tightly.

"Say that again, Severus," Her voice is detached and it sounds like a steel blade as she addresses him.

"What? That you're no better than a filthy, cheap Muggle trollop who sullies the good name of Hogwarts by her presence? I thought you already knew that." He gets up abruptly and gathers his books in his hands. She sits motionless, staring into the empty space. Before he can move, though, she points it at him and casts a Dark Flame at him.

But this time, he is ready for her and blocks it. He raises his eyebrow in surprise at her choice of the curse she uses. She gets up to face him, she feels the beginnings of a terrible rage build up inside her and she steps closer to face him. He stands there, sneering at her, but ready in case she moves to attack him again.

"_Fight me_," she challenges and pushes him backwards. He staggers a bit but manages to regain his balance. She sees his eyes dart around the library room to stake out any onlookers. She would have been careful herself, but this has gone too far and she cannot forgive him his last words. She _will not_ forgive him.

But there are people in the library. She can feel their curious gaze on the two of them as they stand, face to face, with wands ready in hand. She meets his dark gaze with her own inflamed brown one. Her jaw clenches in anger but she restrains herself. Her reason restrains her.

_Not here. Not now._

"I will fight you," he speaks in a low voice, "or anyone else you choose. Bring them to the greenhouse courtyards at midnight and I will see your filthy face covered in mud like the blood that runs in your veins." With those words, he pushes her back slightly and leaves the room.

_Muggle-whore._

She has been called that before.

She has.

She remembers well.

_"Not so good without your wand now, are you?" Lestrange intoned cruelly as he pressed her against the tree bark. She elbowed him in the stomach and tried to run as he doubled up in pain. But he stuck out his leg and toppled her. She fell down on her back and felt a searing pain cross her left arm. She had fallen on a particularly sharp and thick bough, and it had cut through her arm. She groaned and tried to get up, to run and hide, but her assailant caught her by the hair and flung her into a nearby bush. It was laden with thorns that pierced her back. She cried out in pain as she felt the Death Eater's heavy weight press her back further into the spikes. She could feel the hot blood run down her skin._

_"I'll teach you what it means to lay your hands on me, you filthy Muggle-whore!" Lestrange growled in her ears and parted her legs with his knee._

_"No!"'_

With a slight hiss, Hermione closes her eyes and shoves the memory to the back of her mind. Much time has passed since the events of that night. But it is funny how she can still smell his dirty breath on her skin. _No, she would not forgive Severus this mistake._ She will not back down from the challenge. She can take him, on her own, and she will be ready tonight when the time comes. She has a bone to pick with him and when she's done, he'll be sorry. She twirls her wand in her fingers and shoots away a particularly annoying fly.

* * *

"There's Hermione, now. Over here…" She sees James wave his hand and point it at the empty place by Sirius's side as she enters through the portrait hole. The common room is crowded today. She wonders why that is. She plops into the cushion and sees James exchange a meaningful look with Remus. They are up to something, she can tell. She looks at their faces, one by one, and raises her eyebrows at Harry. He shrugs his shoulders in response and looks away.

"Spill it out, what are you planning?" she asks James.

"Oh, well… you see, it's like this, we have a duel tonight…" He mumbles and looks away sheepishly. "The entire Slytherin gang has challenged us and we, like the brave men we are, have accepted. It will be up at the Astronomy Tower."

"How do you know it isn't a trap?"

"It isn't," James speaks assertively and nods at Sirius. "Regulus told Sirius. The problem is that there are six of them and only, well, four of us…"

"You want my help," Hermione speaks and crosses her legs. They would get into trouble for this, she knows. The entire arrangement has something shifty about it. She cannot lay her finger on it yet, but something feels wrong.

_Bleaker._

_Darker._

"Well, you _are_ very skilled with a wand, Mione…" Sirius pats her back in a friendly manner and looks at Remus. "Besides, you know you want us to win as much as we do. Regardless of all your protests against breaking school rules, you heart is in the right place. Right here, with the mischief makers." He thumps his own chest solemnly. Hermione lets out a small laugh.

"Be that as it may, I don't think it is wise of you to do this tonight… This entire things sounds like a set up," she points out and looks at the oddly shaped log in the fire place. "You don't want to get caught."

"We won't," James insists and she is surprised to see Harry nod in agreement. Something is definitely wrong but she cannot worry about it right now. She has her own battles to think about.

"I'll be ready with an _'I told you so'_, then. But I'm afraid I cannot lend you boys a hand, I have prior engagements," She opens a chocolate frog and pops it into her mouth. She doesn't want to tell them about her upcoming duel. She won't. They will want to split and come along with her while she wants to be alone in the fight.

Some more time passes before the crowd in the common room begins to thin. She laughs and jokes around with the boys. Something nags at the back of her mind incessantly but she dismisses it. She watches Harry laugh and feels genuinely pleased at the way his green eyes gleam in mirth. She is happy for him. She is happy that he has a chance to save his family and she resolves to stand by him for every storm that they will be forced to weather. She will help him. No matter what the cost, she will make sure that this time around, his life isn't the mess it was before.

Soon, the clock chimes eleven thirty and the five teenagers look at each other. She gets up from her seat, nods at the three of them and presses Harry's hand before leaving for her dormitory. She collects a few items from her trunk and returns to find only Harry seated in the common room.

"James has gone to fetch the cloak," Harry informs her as he gets up and hands her her cloak. "Hermione…?" She meets his eyes and sees concern shine in them. He doesn't know what she is going out for, but she knows that he can sense the danger of her enterprise. She smiles at him, as if to allay his fears, and feels a wave of apprehension cross her mind.

"Take care," he mumbles as she pats his hand and turns towards the portrait hole.

"I will."

* * *

Thanks to every one who reviewed. They make me want to write.

bluefirefly5 LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL justsam2012 Lover of Fantasy Sampdoria

You guys are the best :) :)

Now, to everyone who absolutely hates Severus at this point in the story, do not be dismayed. There is light around the corner.

Please review and let me know if you liked this chapter. :)


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